We all know the feeling: you’ve finished work, but your mind hasn’t. You replay conversations, make mental to-do lists, and come up with scenarios that will probably never happen. Meanwhile, you become increasingly tired and restless. Why does this happen?
Many people think that worrying is a sign that something is wrong. That they’re too sensitive, too stressed, or simply unable to let go. But psychology tells us something different: worrying isn’t a flaw in your brain. It’s actually your brain’s attempt to protect you. In this blog, I’ll explain a little more about that, so that perhaps you can start looking at it with a bit more kindness. After all, worrying about worrying doesn’t exactly make the worrying any less 😉.
Why overthinking is so hard to stop
According to cognitive psychology, worrying is an automatic mental strategy. Your mind tries to prevent future problems by endlessly analysing situations after the event. The idea behind it is simple: if you think hard enough, you can avoid similar risks and maintain better control in the future.
The metacognitive theory of Adrian Wells takes this one step further. According to this theory, we don’t just worry because of the content of our thoughts, but mainly because of our beliefs about the thinking process itself. For example:
- “If I stop thinking about it, I’ll forget something important.”
- “I need to be prepared for everything that might happen.”
- “If I analyse it enough, I’ll eventually find the solution.”
As a result, worrying often feels very productive. It feels as though you’re doing something useful. As though you’re gaining control over the situation. But in reality, you usually end up going round in circles with the same thoughts, without gaining any new insights. And it mainly leaves you feeling exhausted and frustrated.
What’s interesting is that the mind rarely notices that this strategy isn’t actually working very well. Quite the opposite: the more uncertain we feel, the more inclined we are to think even harder.
Why worrying keeps itself going
Within Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, worrying is often viewed as part of a vicious cycle. An event triggers a thought, that thought creates a feeling, that feeling creates physical tension, and that tension then leads to certain behaviours.
Imagine, for example, that after a meeting you think: “I completely phrased that the wrong way.” That thought can create uncertainty about what people will think of you now. Your body immediately responds with tension. You then start analysing the meeting all over again in search of reassurance. Maybe it wasn’t that bad after all. For a moment, that seems to help, but usually it simply creates new questions and doubts. And so, the worrying continues.
The tricky part is that the brain learns from this that worrying must apparently be necessary. Not because it actually works, but because you keep trying to get rid of uncertainty by thinking more. And that’s how a self-reinforcing cycle develops:
Situation → Thought → Feeling → Tension → Worrying → More uncertainty → More worrying
So, the problem usually isn’t the original event itself, but the habit of repeatedly returning to the same thoughts.
When thinking turns into overthinking
The difference between thinking and worrying isn’t really about the number of thoughts you have, but more about the direction they take. Thinking takes you somewhere. It leads to a decision, an insight, or an action. Worrying, on the other hand, keeps circling. You repeat the same questions, the same concerns, and the same future scenarios (which, as I explained in my previous blog, only increases your stress levels even further). It doesn’t lead to a solution, yet your brain continues trying to create certainty where none actually exists. And when you look at it clearly, you often realise that this certainty isn’t even necessary.
While behavioural therapy helps to make these patterns visible, the Clarity Process© goes one step further. We don’t just look at the content of the thought, but also at your identification with it. For example, the feeling of urgency: the idea that you need to do something about this thought right now, because otherwise something will go wrong. As soon as you begin to see that a thought is simply a mental event and not necessarily the truth, more space and calm often arise naturally. Within the Clarity Process©, we therefore look at this cycle of worrying with a great deal of kindness. Not by fighting the worrying or pushing it away, but by recognising what it really is: an old protective strategy that once seemed useful.
So, the good news is that you don’t need to get rid of the thoughts. You simply need to recognise what’s happening, which is a lot easier than trying to stop your mind from thinking. After all, thinking is your mind’s primary job. And in doing so, your thoughts do begin to take up a little less space in your head.
My own overthinking cycle
Of course, I recognise this in myself too. After a difficult meeting, I used to spend hours replaying what I had said. Should I have phrased that differently? Had I been clear enough? What would other people have thought of me?
The more I thought about it, the less clear it became.
Nowadays, I try to notice much earlier on that I’m starting to go round in circles. When I’m winding myself up without actually achieving anything. Because by that point, I’m no longer thinking about the meeting itself, but about my thoughts about the meeting, and especially about the impression I made on the other people there. Moments of clarity like that change something every time. Not because all the thoughts immediately disappear, but because I can see what’s happening: my mind is simply doing what it has always done whenever uncertainty appears. Worrying. I did my best; nothing terrible happened, and there’s really no need to dwell on it for so long or in such depth. Often, I simply promise my mind that we’ll come back to it tomorrow, and that’s enough. By the next day, my mind is already occupied with other things and has forgotten what it was so worried about.
A Small Exercise for Today
Do you notice that you’re worrying? Then try the following:
- Stop what you’re doing for five seconds.
- Notice which thought keeps coming back.
- Look at it as if you’re watching a cloud drift past, and try not to judge it for a moment.
- Say quietly to yourself: “This is my mind trying to protect me.”
- Place one hand on your chest.
- Breathe in and out slowly.
You don’t need to solve the worrying. You don’t even need to stop it.
Sometimes it’s enough simply to see that you’re not trapped in the thought itself, but in the habit of following it over and over again. And very often, that’s exactly where peace begins. And be gentle with yourself if it doesn’t work immediately. The same applies here as with anything else: practice makes progress.
